As of lately, life has become a distraction. Settling down comes with an inevitable list of to-do list. Sometimes (or most of the time), that mental to-do list occupies a significant portion of the daily cognitive processings. It’s distracting. This is probably what people mean by terlalu kedunia-duniaan (i.e. to engrossed with worldly stuff). Astaghfiraullahhalazim. Astaghfiraullahhalazim. Astaghfiraullahalazim.

I need time to sit and just reflect. Reflect long and hard. If time doesn’t seem to be on my side, I will just have to MAKE the time.

Share This

My iman is wavering, and yes it is scaring me. This is what I have been fearing the most. Far from the company of people with iman. Away from other reminders of my faith and the Right way of life. Only moments ago, I delayed my solat Subuh because I was too busy talking with a friend.  To make matters worse, we were gossiping. I might have not contributed much to the conversation, but I can’t say that I’m completely innocent as well. I listened, and I entertained. I made comments and I told her what I knew. It was a total waste of time.

My weakness is showing. In the company of people who have a different way of life weakens me. I need to be strong enough to stand alone and fight these temptations. I need to spend more time with my Creator. I’ve been too busy with settling down at this new place. I haven’t had any time alone, let alone an extra time with Allah. Astaghfiraullahalazim. Astaghfiraullahalazim. Astaghfiraullahalazim.

Ya Allah, Ya Ghaffur…forgive this weak servant for her negligence and half-heartedness in doing what’s right, and staying away from what’s wrong.

Ya Allah, Ya Haq…please give me the strength to fight the evil that’s inside me and the evil that surrounds me. 

Amin…Amin…Amin…Ya Rabbla’lamin. 

Share This

Praise to Allah for letting me breath another day. To let me live a bit longer, so that I’d have a little bit more time to do more righteous deeds and seek for His Mercy and Grace.  Subahanallah. Alhamdulilah. Allahu Akhbar.

These past 2 days have been a bit….”challenging”….for me.  Like I’ve mentioned before, I am fighting a constant battle with my own emotions. It’s just so easy to REACT to something without much thought into it. Somebody drives out from a junction without looking left and right; and it’s just so easy to get annoyed. Somebody says something really heartfelt and touching; it’s just so easy shed those precious tears. Somebody mentions a name that someone who used to mean so much to you; it’s just so easy to feel sad, angry or a whole whirlpool of emotions. If emotions stay INSIDE, maybe it’s a bit easier to handle. But when it makes you want to DO something…it gets a bit difficult. You just don’t know whether what you have done, are about to do, or are thinking about is right or wrong. When this rationality is too clouded with emotions, nothing can ever be clear *sighs*

So here I am. Containing. Containing. Containing. Trying to keep my thoughts and feelings in check through my prayers and a change in perspective. Trying not to go overboard with anything that I might decided to do, if any. Insya Allah.

“He who created death and life, that He may try which of you is best in deed…” - Al Mulk: 2

 ”Not a single mu’min is faced with anxiety, tiredness and sadness other than for Allah to abrogate his sins.” - Saying from the Prophet Rasulullahu alaihi wassalam.

“Whoever Allah chooses to become better, certainly Allah will try him.” - Al Hadith

Share This

This little miss is a bit tired tonight. Must’ve been the driving around, and the hospital PLUS clinic visits this morning. After 5 days of ‘Female Off Days’, going back to the whole fasting and at tarrawih rhythm might’ve also contribute to this tiredness. Hehe. But all is good and well, alhamdulilah :)

I’m on a race against time. I’m trying to do as many things as I can, read as many books as I can, fulfill as many cravings as I can before my leave. Will be leaving this beloved, little country very soon once again for further studies. I’ll miss my family the most *sniffles* For the past few years, I don’t feel as if I’ve spent enough time with them each year *sigh* The little sacrifices we have to make for the greater good, I suppose. I’m hoping that around this time next year, I would’ve already gained the appropriate skills and knowledge to heal this little country and its people, Insya Allah. Nawaitu lillahita’alla. I’m doing all this because of Allah. I have a bigger purpose in this life. I’m not here merely to accummulate wealth or to climb up the social ladder. I’m here to serve Allah. I’m here to do anything and everything for the sake of Allah. I’m here to make use of all the blessings He has bestowed on me, so that I can use and spend them onto the Right path. He has provided me with these capabilities, rizq and opportunites so that I could make use of it to heal my people - the ummah. I want to play some part in handling the ever increasing social problems, the narrowmindedness of the general population that’s becoming a hinderance to development, and the embarrassing practices of my people who claim themselves to be muslims. There’s so much work to be done here, and I want to prepare myself so that I could do something about it. Insya Allah.

I’m going to watch a little TV and go to sleep. Good night, beautiful people. Have a good weekend :)

Share This

 

قَوْلٌ مَّعْرُوفٌ وَمَغْفِرَةٌ خَيْرٌ مِّن صَدَقَةٍ يَتْبَعُهَآ 

 

 

 

أَذًى وَاللّهُ غَنِيٌّ حَلِيمٌ 

 

 

 

(Al Baqarah : 263)

 

 

A kind word and the veiling of another’s want (forgiveness and other fine characteristics) is better than a charitable deed followed by hurt; and Allah is self-sufficient, forebearing.

*–*–*

1. Forgiving others can be hard, especially if they’ve done us wrong. To actually say, “I forgive you”, with complete sincerity after all the hurt and injustice they’ve done to us can be very challenging. It requires a lot of perspective reshuffling to come to terms with the reasons for the rifts in our relationships, and to finally have the courage and strenght to forgive and seek forgiveness. I’ve been in this spot and I might still be in this spot, and I know how draining it could be. But after everything, I can assure you that you’d feel a whole lot better and “lighter” afterwards. Every act of kindess gives me that extra peace and calmness in this once very erractic mind and soul.

2.So often we make the mistake of showing our insincerity in helping others. We’d sigh, complain, insinuate reluctance and annoyance while “helping” our mom buy the groceries, giving that bit of cash to our little brother so he could buy a pencil, or cooking for our unexpected guests. Did it ever occur to us that such seemingly tiny acts could’ve actually offended them?

Share This

It’s been a busy week…and it’s going to get busier. I miss waking up on my own time, and the lingering yummyness each time I open my eyes. Since Monday, my days have been filled with mundane yet very important errands. I’m trying to do as many things as I can within these 2 weeks, then I’ll be able to breathe a bit..just a bit. Then it’d be back to running around like a headless chicken who’d eventually collapse each time she retires in her nest…or barn.

On a completely different note…earlier this evening, I saw the most adorable baby ever! Masya Allah. It was a friend’s baby cousin. Her face was smeared with bits of mango. Her hair was tied up on the tops with the ends of the hair sticking out. When I stroked her arm and said hello, she didn’t pull away or appeared afraid like most babies and little toddlers. Instead, she looked down then left and right as if she was contemplating on something. That, I found it amusing! Bless those little babies~ *sighs*

Share This

Most of the time, I’m alright. I’d be fine. I’d be ok. But sometimes…just sometimes…I can’t help but feel so much sadness. I’d remember what I went through…I’d remember what I have lost…and I’d be reminded of the battles that I still have to fight for.

So sometimes…just sometimes..I’d feel sad and tired. I’d feel emotions that have become unfamiliar, so unfamiliar that I forgot how to deal with them. At times like these, I’m glad I am a muslim. I am glad I have Allah, the Quraan and the Sunnahs to turn to. I’m glad that the Islamic teachings have provided guidence for us at times like these. Islam just seem to have the answer to all of life’s questions. If only all of us could have realised that.

حَسْبُنَا اللّهُ وَنِعْمَ الْوَكِيلُ

“Allah is enough for us; and how excellent a guardian is He!”

Share This

My morning began with deciding what to wear to a formal function. The short baju kurung fesyen or the traditional baju kurung? Of course the best choice would be the clothing that would cover the aurah, true? I can’t believe that I even had to think about that! Shame on me. Yes, I opted for the long traditional baju kurung and felt very comfortable wearing it.

Then during the function, came another little test of faith. There I was, sitting on the womens’ side of the hall surrounded by other women who were wearing really fancy baju kurung/fesyen/whatever with really fancy studs, embroidery and other bling bling…and really fancy shoes…and really fancy handbags. Even the friend I was sitting next to was all dolled up and glamourous. Yes, for those few seconds I felt small, inferior and unattractive. Then I thought…Hold on there a minute. Why should I worry about looking “unattractive” compared to the other girls in the room? Why should I envy those who are wearing tight fitting clothes even when they’re donning their hijab? Why should I admire those who spend so much on make-up, desinger handbags, and stillethos? I dress the way I did because of Allah. I shouldn’t dress because I want to please others, but dress to please Allah. Screw with what people might think. My purpose in life is to seek Allah’s mercy and grace. I want to repent my past sins that I have committed so often and so carelessly. Though as human beings we can never escape from committing sins, but I have made some really serious ones. I fear that the balance is too heavy to the left. I fear for Allah’s wrath for my past mistakes. I fear for the day of reckoning. I’m now trying my best to strenghthen my iman and prepare for  tests that may and will come to me from now onwards. So after realising my 2nd mistake, I said my istighfar…over and over again. Not long after that, I was calm and at peace with myself and my surroundings once again.

Share This

Other than Star Wars and baking, lately I have also been fascinated about something else - the 6th Article of Islam (i.e. the belief in qada’ and qadar). I have been searching high and low in the very limited number of bookstores in this very tiny country in trying to REALLY understand the concept of qada and qadar. However, with the very again limited number of books that are already in my possession, I have found some (yet insufficient) information on Islam and predestination. From the book, Hadith 40 (Terjemahan Dan Syarahanya), iman on predestination is the acknowledgement that Allah knows the path and journey of His servants and watches over all aspects of His servants’ lives. As muslims, we must have faith that every single thing that occurs in this life is within Allah’s consent ( pg. 110, Al-Ustadh Mustafa Abdul Rahman). I’ve read the associated explanation and narrations, but I still see a bit of grey areas scattered around. The same book had also mentioned a well-known hadith which stated that:

Abu Abd al-Rahman Abdullah bin Mas’ud r.a., reported: Rasulullah S.A.W., the most truthful, the most trusted, told us:

“Verily the creation of any one of you takes place when he is assembled in his mother’s womb; for forty days he is as a drop of fluid, then it becomes a clot for a similar period. Thereafter, it is a lump looking like it has been chewed for a similar period. Then an angel is sent to him, who breathes the ruh (spirit) into him. This Angel is commanded to write Four decrees: that he writes down his provision (rizq), his life span, his deeds, and whether he will be among the wretched or the blessed.

I swear by Allah - there is no God but He - one of you may perform the deeds of the people of Paradise till there is naught but an arm’s length between him and it, when that which has been written will outstrip him so that he performs the deeds of the people of the Hell Fire; one of you may perform the deeds of the people of the Hell Fire, till there is naught but an arm’s length between him and it, when that which has been written will overtake him so that he performs the deeds of the people of Paradise and enters therein.”

[Al-Bukhari & Muslim]

From this hadith, I can understand that there are for things that has already been written for us, namely:
a) our rizq,
b) our lifespan
c) our deeds, and
d) whether we’ll be amongst the blessed or the wretched.

Now those 4 things seem to be everything, doesn’t it? So here are my questions – if every aspect of our life is already written, why is there a need to perform righteous deeds? Why do we need to perfom amal? Why do we need to fulfill the 5 pillars of Islam? Any of you been thinking of similar things but afraid to dwell on it due to fear it might be against our aqidah? If your niat of asking these questions is due to your apprehension towards Islam and its teachings, then maybe you should worry. However, if they are merely questions intended to motivate you in doing further research to further understand and appreciate Islam, Insya Allah, it shouldn’t do us any harm. Hence I’d like to make it very clear right now that I am not questioning the foundations of Islam. My questions are mere basis of exploration to guide me in seeking the right information for a deeper understanding of this Islamic concept.

Anyway, these sorts of questions had actually already been asked to Rasulullah S.A.W.  (told ya asking such questions were not necessarily terrible. Hehe). In a hadith, Rasullullah S.A.W. stated that:

“Nobody amongst you have not been written on whether you will be placed in Jahanam or Jannah. Then they asked: Oh Rasullullah! If that is so, should we not just surrender to what’s written for us and abandon our amal? Rasullullah then said: Perform good deeds, for all will be made easier for what’s been decided for them. Should there be those who are amongst the blessed group so they would perform their amal with the amal of the blessed. And those who are from the wretched group so they would perform amal with the amal of the wretched…Then Rasululah S.A W. recidted an ayat, that is :

“Thus, as for him who gives [to others] and is conscious of God, and believes the truth of the ulimate good for him shall We make easy to the path towards [ultimate] ease. But as for him who is niggardly, and thinks that he is self-sufficient, and calls the ultimate good a lie - for him shall We make easy the path towards hardship”
[Surah Al-Lail: 5-10]

So from the above hadith and ayat, my understanding is that, it might have already been decided on whether we would end up in Jahanam or Jannah. However, if we perform good deeds and amal, the path towards Allah’s grace would be made easier for us. For in the sunnahs and Al-Quran, it has been mentioned repeatedly for us to seek Allah’s mercy and the return for our sincere ibadah would be the promise of Jannah. Such matters must surely have some significance if it is mentioned and stressed ever so often.

IMHO, life is like driving from point A and trying to get to point B (life events), with possibly over 10 routes just to get to point B. So life’s like that. A is the specific points in our lives, and B is our fate and destination. There would be certain things that are already meant for us, but how we get there is the deciding factor as to whether we would be rewarded or punished for these choices we make into getting to that point B. The series of events in our life might have already be written in Lauh Mahfudz, but Allah is Al Khaliq (the Creator),  Al Azhim (the Magnificent),  and Ar Rahim (All Merciful). If He wants something to happen, He only needs to say “Be” – and it will happen (Yasin: 82).

“And most certainly shall We try you by means of danger, and hunger, and loss of worldly goods, of lives and of [labour’s] fruits. But give glad tidings unto those who are patient in adversity” (Al Baqarah: 155)

“…so that He might put you to a test [and thus show] which of you is best in conduct, and [make you realize that] He alone is almighty, truly forgiving.” (Al Mulk: 2)

“ whereas he who shall appear before Him as a believer who has done righteous deeds  - it is such that shall have lofty stations [in the life to come]”

Above are just some ayat from the Qura’an on some of the purpose in life. Perhaps it could also be assumed that our qadha could be tests for us to see which of His servants are worthy of His mercy. If the 6th Article of Iman tells us to just surrender to our fate, it wouldn’t be a need to give us tests in this life. There wouldn’t also be any rewards for performing righteous deeds.

Thus, we should never stop seeking for Allah’s grace and Allah’s help. We should never abandon every effort to achieve something just because we believe that what’s meant to be will be.  We should never stop praying and hoping for all the good things in life and in the after life. For Allah is Most Powerful and He has the power to do anything He wants. He will remember us whenever we remember Him. He has promised us the good beyond all in the akhirah for our righteous deeds  (Al Mu’min: 40).

However with every effort that we make in life, we should also be conscious of a pre-written fate and destiny.  We should have confidence that all things that occur do not happen without Allah’s consent. Have iman on qada and qadar. For instance, if we’ve been trying so hard to attain something but never seem to even get any closer to it, do not blame the situation for being unfavourable, or ourselves for not doing enough. Have faith that maybe Allah is trying to say something to us. Maybe Allah wants to tell us that that something might not be for us, for all qadha is always deemed best for His servants (saying by Rasulallah S.A.W.).

There are just so many things in the Quran and the Sunnahs that directly and indirectly touches on this 6th Article of Iman. Me thinks somebody should really think about writing a book on it for people like I, and sell it in tiny countries like Brunei. I can guarantee you that I would be the first in line to pre-order waaaay before it’s date of release. Hehehe. Sure there’s internet, but the things that you find on the net are unfiltered and uncontrolled. You don’t know what they might be advocating, right? Books first. Internet second. Or check on the net, but compare with verified and authenticated books. Saaafer that way, don’t you think?

Sources:

• Various verses from Al Quran

• Mustafa ‘Abdul Rahman (2001). Hadith 40 (Terjemahan dan Syarahannya). Dewan Pustaka Fajar. Selangor.

• fortyhadith.com

Share This

One of the best things about Ramadhan is the fact that all jinn and syaitan are locked up during the whole month (e.g. Bukhari & Muslim). So with every little evil thing we do, every little sin we commit, we’d know that it’s because of our uncontrolled desires…and not due to the little whispers of jin and syaitan. No no to blaming them when we do a little blooper now~

During this holy and blessed month, we could actually finally see who we really are. Ramadhan opens up a path for us towards self-discovery. It gives us a chance to really look into ourselves and see what needs fixing, renewing and/or refreshing. On top of all this, we are also encouraged to instill other admirable and moral characteristics that are deemed best in the eyes of Allah. If we follow through all this and perform our fasts properly with complete sincerity, Insya Allah, a brand new us (and hopefully permanent! Insya Allah~) awaits us even after Ramadhan is over. Amin..amin..ya Rabbala’lamin.

Share This