It’s getting colder by the day. But alhamdulilah, it’s a bit better today. I can still manage without the heater on. With the cold, cold weather in mind, it occured to me that the fastest way to get warm is by having a hot shower. Yes, it felt really comforting to be under the spray of hot water…but then I thought, “How long should I shower? I can’t stay here forever!”. Then the movie Dennis came to mind. I remember his “babysitter” asking him when he’d get out of the bath, then he said, “I’m not even wrinkled up yet..” So, yes…I waited until my fingers were ..just like dennis:)

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Dearest Hanifah,

The next time you’re angry, don’t storm out of that room of yours and start ranting. Don’t go on and further dwelling on the issue. Don’t start saying things that you might regret. Instead, you should’ve…

1. …said Audzubillahi minasyaitaanirrajim to ward off the whisperings of syaitan…because you KNOW syaitan is there when you are angry. So eagered to whisper words of encouragement for you to commit more sins;

2. …make your wudhu with khyusu’, for the water would further extinguish that anger in you;

3. …perfomed a sunatal hajati, or sunatal istikharah and seek for Allah’s guidance and help on the right way of dealing with the situation…because you KNOW that Allah will give and show you the answer.

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Today, I found myself making up stories i.e. creating seemingly harmless scenarios for passers by, and describing the weather as crap i.e. an adjective to describe the rainy weather.

Astaghfirallahalazim.

I might not cuss or swear like most, but what I did are not any better…maybe even worse! We’re not even allowed to make up stories just so that we could make people laugh! What more create stories just for self amusement! And me calling the weather crap just because it was raining non stop? Subhanallah. That’s like me cursing Allah’s blessing…cursing what Allah has given to me…His Qadar. Astaghfirallahhalazim. How could I have been so careless? So unappreciative!

Ya Allah, Ya Ghaffur…please forgive this ignorant, absent minded and ungrateful servant..

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This post will be based on the lecture I had on Monday. May Allah bless him with bountiful rewards. Amin.

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We often find ourselves looking back at our lives and seeing a once distressing moment in a lighter view. Your little brother accidentally threw away your favourite pair of Manolo Blahnik, and that got you REALLY mad. Borderline insane. But then years down the road, you’d laugh at yourself for being so dramatic about a pair of shoes - Manolo Blahnik or Primark, whatever.  But know this; a true mu’min is one who is patient at the STRIKE of a calamity…and not after.

Anas r.a. said: “The Prophet S.A.W.  said, “The real patience is at the first strike of calamity.”

Whatever state we are in in this life, the situation would only call for us to be sabar or syukur. When we’re blessed with food, a new hijab, or well functioning body, we say our syukur. We thank Allah for giving us His bounties. At times when we’re feeling sad, perfoming our salat or can’t start the car, we must be patient. There is khayir - good - in ever situation.

“Seek help in patience and prayer; and truly it is hard save for the humble-minded” (Al Baqarah:  45)

We should be sabar in 3 things:

1) Sabar in performing the religious obligations

When it’s time for our Fajr prayers, it’s tempting to just stay in our cosy beds and remain wrapped around our duvets. Especially when the weather is cold, and the rest of the world is still sleeping. Or perhaps in our salat. It’s easy let your mind wonder during our salat. What to eat, what happend in the last episode of Grey’s Anatomy, the exams you have to study for, yada yada yada. Sleep can wait. TV can wait. The world can wait while you spend just a small part of ur day to worship The Creator who gave you your life, you bed, your tv and everything else. As Muslims, we must always remember that all our righteous deeds will not go unrewarded. Allah has promised Jannah to the mu’min. To those who strive to seek Allah’s rahmah and forgiveness. Isn’t the eternal life in the Hereafter worth sacrificing those extra minutes in bed, or a few minutes to stop thinking about the world?

2) Sabar in refraining ourselves from committing sins and misdeeds

Living in a Western country, seeing almost naked ladies is a norm..premarital sex is a norm..alcoholism is a norm. It’s easy to say, “Paah~ It’s normal” when we see a naked lady on the huge billboards…It’s easy to share the same bed with our boyfriends just because everybody is doing it. The Quran has already stated what is forbidden to us, and if we study them properly, the reasoning behind them are very rational and is nothing but advantageous to us. For instance, what happens if we become involved in zina? There’s the STDs and AIDS. And what would happen to a baby who’s conceived out of wedlock? Wear protection all you want but Allah has the power to do whatever He wishes. You could be impregnated despite the pills you take regularly and the condom you always use. So we should have patience and lower our gaze; we should take care of what’s between our lips and between our legs. We shouldn’t become too normalised with what are clearly haram until we forget how such mere acts could lead us to Jahanam

3) Sabar with Allah’s Qadar.

As mentioned before, there is khayir (good)  in all Allah’s qadar. Even if we can’t see it now, we might see it in the future, or in the hereafter. The car refuses to start and you’re already 10 minutes late. All sort of thoughts run through our head, “Oh no! My boss is going to kill me! I’m going to lose my job! OH NO! I’ll be late for the meeting!”. But then you found out that there was an accident on the route that you were about to take. You’ve been trying for a baby for years and you’re still not pregnant. Maybe if you were to have a baby at that time, you and your husband might’ve not been spiritually or financially prepared for one. There is always a bright side to everything. But once we become angry and our nafs is ranging, syaitan does a well job in making us think that it’s the end of everything. In every situation, there is always a way out. Even Prophet Yunus was eventually expelled from the big fish.

We’ve seen how the many Prophets and sahaba in the past have been faced with such dire and grave situations. What did they ever do to deserve all the torture and tribulations? Did they deserve to be punished in such and such ways? They were amongst the best of the best ummah who did everything in the name of Allah. Allah tested them because He LOVED them. So do not feel sad or frustrated when something bad happens. Don’t be thinking, “Why does this always happen to me? What did I ever do to deserve this?”…because Allah test us because he wants us to become better…it’s because he LOVES us.

There are 2 ways on how we can instill sabar in us, insya Allah:

1) Know that EVERYTHING was never ours to begin with.

When a business is going well and we’re earning lot’s of profits, it’s common to hear the owner saying, “Oh, it was all my doing. I worked hard for it. I did it.” Sure you had put your efforts in trying to achieve your goals, but it was Allah who made it happen.  Our wealth, our body, our intelligence, our car, our parents, the tress, the buses are all Allah’s. We “have” them because Allah lent it to us, so that he could see how we make use of it…to give us comfort..and to test us with. Are we using the intelligence Allah has given us to help our ummah, or to destroy the society? Are we using our money to buy lottery tickets and go clubbing, or are we using it to help the poor and sadakah to our neighbours? So Allah can take everything and anything he wants in anyway He likes…because they are rightfully His. So don’t be crying if you ex boyfriend has not paid back the $1000 he owed you a year ago. If all that money was meant for you, it will come back…and if it doesn’t..innalillahi wainna ilaihi rajiuun (Verily unto God do we belong and, verily, unto Him we shall return)

2) Life is a journey, and akhirah is the destinantion.

When your driving from Southampton to London, you wouldn’t want to spend too much time at the pit stops, right? If you  stoped to go to the bathroom, or eat a little…you do just that. You don’t take your own sweet time to sit on the toilet seat, to eat the chips. The same thing applies in life. Life is only temporary. It’s akhirah that will last forever. We are aiming for akhirah and in such we should live our life on this earth. Hence, whatever we do, it should be for akhirah and not for  worldly pleasures.  Syaitan just makes you think that this world has everything to offer. Afterall, ibils have promised to prevent us from going on the siratal mustaqim.

“(Whereupon Iblis) said: ‘Then, (I swear) by Thy very might: I shall most certainly beguile them all into grievous error”(A’Sad:82)

May all that I have shared with you be of help to all of us, insya Allah.

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You know how it is with us ladies? The “off-time” whereby we can’t pray, or touch/read the Quran and all that? I don’t know about other people, but that’s when I become anxious and hope that the “off-time” would be as brief as possible. Mine usually takes up 1 week, and 1 week is just waaaaaaayy toooo loooongggg for me.

But there’s an upside to all of this “off time”, which is…once everything goes back to normal, the 1st prayer feels like the BEST prayer. I’d usually get all giddy with excitement like a girl on a first date…nervous and anxious to meet the boy. You know how it is when you’re just bursting to say something to your best friend, or just want somebody you trust to talk to…but you have to hold it in for a week. So once your best friend is finally there, it’s like an opportunity to finally let it out. Well, that’s how it is for me after each break. If only I had that much passion for each salat. I’ll get there one day, insya Allah :)

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Last Monday, I bumped into a sister at the Uni masjid. She asked me if I was going to attend the lecture. So I thought, “There’s a lecture?” :O So from that brief meeting, I gathered that they have a lecture every Monday at the Uni masjid. I attended last night’s lecture and, masya Allah, it almost brought tears to my eyes. No words can describe how HAPPY I was. Finally, after weeks of living in this foreign country, I finally felt like “home”. I finally felt “content”. Finally, I was amongst other fellow muslims who share the same passion for Islam.

Last night’s lecture was an overview of Surah Ar-Rahman. The main message of that surah is that we should be thankful for all the bounties given to us by Allah. Our life is surrounded by the blessings from Allah - having being born as a muslim, the food we eat, the ability to talk and see, the difficult situations we are sometimes faced with. Thus, we should ALWAYS give our thanks to Allah by doing dzikir - subanallah walhamdulilah walaailahaillallah waulahuakbar - and performing other ibadah. One of the advice that I think is worth sharing is whereby in terms of dunya, we should compare ourselves with those who are less “fortunate” than us, so that we could be thankful for our current situation. Whereas in terms of akhirah, we should always compare ourselves against those who does more amalan than us so that we’d strive to do more than them.

The Uni’s Islamic Society (ISOC) has a weekly sisters’ halaqah too at a sister’s house. Will be coming to my first one this coming Thursday. And who would’ve thought that the venue would be just 2 seconds away from where I live? Alhamdulilah. I take this as a sign from Allah. I believe that THIS is the path that Allah wants me to take.  THIS is what he wants me to do. Insya Allah.

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I had tried my best not to step on anybodys’ toes, but one can only be careful in so many ways. I was taken aback when a recently acquainted sister made and indirect snide remark on something I had said. Though the remarks did not have a neon sign saying “This is for you Hanifah!”, I could not help feeling as if it was in reference to what I had said at an earlier time. But I could be wrong too.  But for a while there, I saw it as a personal attack on me. If it was directed at me, then I’d have to say that whatever it was that I might have mentioned did not intend to degrade anything nor any particular situation. If it really was about me, I was surprised how the bigger picture was ignored, whereas the little sentences became magnified and twisted into an utterly different meaning. So what did I do about it? I started backtracking my steps to try and rationalise the whole thing. I tried to remember all my brief encounters with her, and what it was I might’ve said or did that could’ve lead to this bitterness. I then made assumptions on her typical “behaviours”, and confirmed it with another person who had known her longer and lived with her. So we had quite a story swapping session after that. Was this the correct way of dealing with this situation? Absolutely not! Subahanallah. As a Muslim, the Quran and the sunnah should become the main source of guidance in life. And in the midst of my raging nafs and weakened iman, I forgot the simple ayats and hadith that I had learned from the Quran and the numerous Islamic books that I’ve read.

I forgot how life itself is a constant series of test and trials…so Allah will know whom amongst his creations are best in conduct. None of my aforementioned actions reflected good conduct.  We are encouraged to assume well of others and not otherwise. I should’ve tried to view the sister’s remarks in a more positive standpoint. It might’ve not been about me? If it was about me, I might’ve sent the wrong message and did not realise it? It could’ve been a rebuke of a bad trait that I might posses and need rectifying? I shouldn’t have tried to find faults in her, but the faults in me. Even if she had some unexplainable (to me) dissatisfaction about me and was just waiting for an opportunity to jump on me, I need not fret. For Allah tries us because he wants us to become better. I should’ve sought for Allah’s guidance and help in understanding the whole situation, and to give me strength to overcome all troubles in all its forms. And if it was an attack on me, I should forgive her for her moment of weakness.

Alhamdulilah. I now realise my foolishness for allowing my nafs and iblis to decide on the course of action in this petty matter. Rabbigfirlli for the sins I have committed.

‘…and We test you (all) through the bad and the good (things of life) by way of trial…’ (Al Anbiya:35)

‘ The Mercy of Allah is not bestowed upon people among whom there is a person who severs the bonds of his kinship.’ - Saying of the Prophet Muhammad S.A.W.

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I have made so many mistakes in my life. Both apparent and behind closed doors. Both alone and amongst others. For so long, I have behaved in such a way that others might deemed as Islam merely in name. I believe that a large part of my family, friends and acquaintances would know me as the muslim girl who often donned a “hijab”, yet “liberated” in many of her ways. Such assumptions come with its own set of expectations. So any behaviour or signs that do not fit into these assumptions and expectations might actually baffle others. There’s a possibility that it could be laughed upon or even criticised.

When they see me today, I won’t be surprised if I’ll be getting a bit of…”Since when?!” if I am to wear a hijab in the presence of non mahram, or go MIA to salat. And maybe a bit of…”You’ve done it before~” if I am to disagree about a boyfriend sleeping in the same room, or refuse to go clubbing. Sure it might be a BIT easier if I was to publicise to the whole world that I’m a changed woman. But is that really a good idea? Wouldn’t I be in the risk of becoming takbar?

A part of me wants to run away from those people who knew me as that hypocrite. Minimise my interaction with them so that they won’t have any room to make fun of me or criticise me.  Leave that huge part of my life and everything else that came with it. That escape route is wide open, and very inviting.  Though over time, I realised that I don’t have to prove myself to them or anybody else. I only need to prove myself to Allah. Let people talk…let them ridicule me. As long as I’m repenting my past since. That today I’m striving towards making my every action, and my every words nawaitu lillahi ta’ala.  Insya Allah.

“And seek assistance through patience and prayer” (Hud: 45)

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I believe that Allah’s guidance come in a multitude of ways. A sudden random thought…your father asking you to check the meaning and benefits of an asma ul husna…a dream…or a reluctance to do something or go somewhere. I think such spontaneous occurences in our life are signs from Allah. Him trying to tell us something. So I also believe that it’s our duty to try and understand the meanings behind them. As long as these hunches are not antithesis to our syaria’ and would produce positive outcomes, we should embrace what our senses are trying to tell us. What do you think?

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Assalamualaikum my brothers and sisters. I’d like to wish everybody a very blessed Aidilfitri/Eid. May Allah accept our fastings and ‘amalan. May our iman now be strong enough to withstand the temptations of our hawa and the evil that surrounds us. Amin..amin..amin…ya Rabbal’alamin.

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