So I thought I was wronged
I had tried my best not to step on anybodys’ toes, but one can only be careful in so many ways. I was taken aback when a recently acquainted sister made and indirect snide remark on something I had said. Though the remarks did not have a neon sign saying “This is for you Hanifah!”, I could not help feeling as if it was in reference to what I had said at an earlier time. But I could be wrong too. But for a while there, I saw it as a personal attack on me. If it was directed at me, then I’d have to say that whatever it was that I might have mentioned did not intend to degrade anything nor any particular situation. If it really was about me, I was surprised how the bigger picture was ignored, whereas the little sentences became magnified and twisted into an utterly different meaning. So what did I do about it? I started backtracking my steps to try and rationalise the whole thing. I tried to remember all my brief encounters with her, and what it was I might’ve said or did that could’ve lead to this bitterness. I then made assumptions on her typical “behaviours”, and confirmed it with another person who had known her longer and lived with her. So we had quite a story swapping session after that. Was this the correct way of dealing with this situation? Absolutely not! Subahanallah. As a Muslim, the Quran and the sunnah should become the main source of guidance in life. And in the midst of my raging nafs and weakened iman, I forgot the simple ayats and hadith that I had learned from the Quran and the numerous Islamic books that I’ve read.
I forgot how life itself is a constant series of test and trials…so Allah will know whom amongst his creations are best in conduct. None of my aforementioned actions reflected good conduct. We are encouraged to assume well of others and not otherwise. I should’ve tried to view the sister’s remarks in a more positive standpoint. It might’ve not been about me? If it was about me, I might’ve sent the wrong message and did not realise it? It could’ve been a rebuke of a bad trait that I might posses and need rectifying? I shouldn’t have tried to find faults in her, but the faults in me. Even if she had some unexplainable (to me) dissatisfaction about me and was just waiting for an opportunity to jump on me, I need not fret. For Allah tries us because he wants us to become better. I should’ve sought for Allah’s guidance and help in understanding the whole situation, and to give me strength to overcome all troubles in all its forms. And if it was an attack on me, I should forgive her for her moment of weakness.
Alhamdulilah. I now realise my foolishness for allowing my nafs and iblis to decide on the course of action in this petty matter. Rabbigfirlli for the sins I have committed.
‘…and We test you (all) through the bad and the good (things of life) by way of trial…’ (Al Anbiya:35)
‘ The Mercy of Allah is not bestowed upon people among whom there is a person who severs the bonds of his kinship.’ - Saying of the Prophet Muhammad S.A.W.
Saturday, October 11th, 2008 @ 1:34 am 
The weakness in me, test of faith
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October 11th, 2008 at 10:58 am
Masha Allah.
This is one of the most touching posts that I have read in a long time. It is so easy, istagh firullah to be lead off the path by our nafs. We can’t see, smell, or hear them, but they do so much to alter our sense of well being!
Similarly, during ramadan (I wrote a post about it) I was tried by another Muslimah. I claimed that I hated her, and that I wished she would die. May Allah forgive me! Insha Allah. I eventually stopped and thought to myself. (Alhamulillahi for this brain and heart that Allah has given me) I realized that whatever this woman was doing, it in no way warranted me acting in a way that was unpleasing to my Allah. No one should have that much power or influence in my life! Especially if it will cause the displeasure of Allah.
These things are tests of faith and perseverence. Just think how blessed you are. While you may have acted wrongly, you were still able to think back, realize your error, make tauba, and make changes. That is the most important part. Alhamdu lillahi. May Allah continue to be our guide. Ameen!
October 11th, 2008 at 6:35 pm
Jazzakaullahu khairan for your dua, Khalidah. May Allah give ease on our jihad.
Yes, I remember you mentioning about the muslimah who had erred you. I hope everything eventually turned out well for you, and that you were able to somehow benefit from the experience. Insya Allah.
Alhamdulilah. I am forever thankful to Allah for not giving up on me despite my oh too many mistakes. Some mistakes I still do until today :s I personally feel that fighting against our nafs is a constant battle. It also doesn’t help if the surrounds are not “supportive”. May Allah save us from the evil that’s inside of us and the evil that surrounds us. Amin. Amin. Amin. Ya Rabbal’alamin.