I could say that I’m swamped with work, but that would be inaccurate. Describing my situation as such could imply that the workload is aversive and unpleasant for me. That’s where the inaccuracy arises. I have 3 courseworks due around mid January, but I also have exams early January. I’m having a proper-proper holiday for about 2 weeks in December, and it’s already roughly the 3rd week of November. With all that in mind, that doesn’t really leave me with a lot of time to complete all 3 assignments AND do my revision for January’s exams. Yes, this realisation only occured to me over the weekend. So I had to frantically print out a Nov-Dec 2008 calender from word and plan out the rest of my weeks. Planning, setting goals and WRITING them down helps a lot for me. It’s just so easy to lose focus when there are other competing demands. I’ve digressed. What I’m meaning to say is that, despite the amount of work and the time pressure, I am actually excited to get things done. Weird, I know. I think, doing something that you actually enjoy makes a whole lot of difference to your attitude towards all the work.

That’s secret no.1.

Now, there’s a secret no.2 on how to develop a positive attitude towards work. Checking the niyyah for doing the work helps a lot. A lot, a lot, A LOT! It makes studying, learning and doing work a thousand times more enjoyable. I seek knowledge because Allah and His Messenger S.A.W. has made it obligatory for me. I want to use the acquired skills and training to help my ummah and people in need, as commanded by my Lord. The efforts I put into my work is not for me, but for the sake of Allah. So that whatever I learn could help me in fulfilling my duty as a Muslimah, and bring me closer to Allah. Insya Allah. There is nothing more motivating form me than that. Trully. Alhamdulilah.

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I had two things in my life that was like a yo-yo:

1) my hijaab, and

2) my weight.

Alhamdulilah, my yo-yo hijab days are long and gone. I even try my best to wear it properly, i.e. letting the hijaab cover my chest, not removing it even at home if there are non-mahrams, etc. So now, the only yo-yo-ing aspect of my life is my weight. Why, oh why can I not control my eating during “those” times?

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It’s getting colder by the day. But alhamdulilah, it’s a bit better today. I can still manage without the heater on. With the cold, cold weather in mind, it occured to me that the fastest way to get warm is by having a hot shower. Yes, it felt really comforting to be under the spray of hot water…but then I thought, “How long should I shower? I can’t stay here forever!”. Then the movie Dennis came to mind. I remember his “babysitter” asking him when he’d get out of the bath, then he said, “I’m not even wrinkled up yet..” So, yes…I waited until my fingers were ..just like dennis:)

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Today, I found myself making up stories i.e. creating seemingly harmless scenarios for passers by, and describing the weather as crap i.e. an adjective to describe the rainy weather.

Astaghfirallahalazim.

I might not cuss or swear like most, but what I did are not any better…maybe even worse! We’re not even allowed to make up stories just so that we could make people laugh! What more create stories just for self amusement! And me calling the weather crap just because it was raining non stop? Subhanallah. That’s like me cursing Allah’s blessing…cursing what Allah has given to me…His Qadar. Astaghfirallahhalazim. How could I have been so careless? So unappreciative!

Ya Allah, Ya Ghaffur…please forgive this ignorant, absent minded and ungrateful servant..

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You know how it is with us ladies? The “off-time” whereby we can’t pray, or touch/read the Quran and all that? I don’t know about other people, but that’s when I become anxious and hope that the “off-time” would be as brief as possible. Mine usually takes up 1 week, and 1 week is just waaaaaaayy toooo loooongggg for me.

But there’s an upside to all of this “off time”, which is…once everything goes back to normal, the 1st prayer feels like the BEST prayer. I’d usually get all giddy with excitement like a girl on a first date…nervous and anxious to meet the boy. You know how it is when you’re just bursting to say something to your best friend, or just want somebody you trust to talk to…but you have to hold it in for a week. So once your best friend is finally there, it’s like an opportunity to finally let it out. Well, that’s how it is for me after each break. If only I had that much passion for each salat. I’ll get there one day, insya Allah :)

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Assalamualaikum my brothers and sisters. I’d like to wish everybody a very blessed Aidilfitri/Eid. May Allah accept our fastings and ‘amalan. May our iman now be strong enough to withstand the temptations of our hawa and the evil that surrounds us. Amin..amin..amin…ya Rabbal’alamin.

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This little miss is a bit tired tonight. Must’ve been the driving around, and the hospital PLUS clinic visits this morning. After 5 days of ‘Female Off Days’, going back to the whole fasting and at tarrawih rhythm might’ve also contribute to this tiredness. Hehe. But all is good and well, alhamdulilah :)

I’m on a race against time. I’m trying to do as many things as I can, read as many books as I can, fulfill as many cravings as I can before my leave. Will be leaving this beloved, little country very soon once again for further studies. I’ll miss my family the most *sniffles* For the past few years, I don’t feel as if I’ve spent enough time with them each year *sigh* The little sacrifices we have to make for the greater good, I suppose. I’m hoping that around this time next year, I would’ve already gained the appropriate skills and knowledge to heal this little country and its people, Insya Allah. Nawaitu lillahita’alla. I’m doing all this because of Allah. I have a bigger purpose in this life. I’m not here merely to accummulate wealth or to climb up the social ladder. I’m here to serve Allah. I’m here to do anything and everything for the sake of Allah. I’m here to make use of all the blessings He has bestowed on me, so that I can use and spend them onto the Right path. He has provided me with these capabilities, rizq and opportunites so that I could make use of it to heal my people - the ummah. I want to play some part in handling the ever increasing social problems, the narrowmindedness of the general population that’s becoming a hinderance to development, and the embarrassing practices of my people who claim themselves to be muslims. There’s so much work to be done here, and I want to prepare myself so that I could do something about it. Insya Allah.

I’m going to watch a little TV and go to sleep. Good night, beautiful people. Have a good weekend :)

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It’s been a busy week…and it’s going to get busier. I miss waking up on my own time, and the lingering yummyness each time I open my eyes. Since Monday, my days have been filled with mundane yet very important errands. I’m trying to do as many things as I can within these 2 weeks, then I’ll be able to breathe a bit..just a bit. Then it’d be back to running around like a headless chicken who’d eventually collapse each time she retires in her nest…or barn.

On a completely different note…earlier this evening, I saw the most adorable baby ever! Masya Allah. It was a friend’s baby cousin. Her face was smeared with bits of mango. Her hair was tied up on the tops with the ends of the hair sticking out. When I stroked her arm and said hello, she didn’t pull away or appeared afraid like most babies and little toddlers. Instead, she looked down then left and right as if she was contemplating on something. That, I found it amusing! Bless those little babies~ *sighs*

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It’s going to be our tahlil and makan arwah tomorrow afternoon. I was indecisive on what to make or bring for tomorrow. After flipping through the huge piles of mom’s recipe books, I decided on….Raspberry Cheesecake! Yup, made 2 of them this morning and it’s now in the fridge, ready to be eaten. It’s those types of cake that doesn’t require any baking, but only freezing. Will probably post a picture of it later, Insya Allah.

 Here’s the picture I promised. I still need to get used to this wordpress :s

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It’s almost 12am. I’ve brushed my teeth, washed my face, performed my ablution and I’m ready for bed! I can never seem to fall asleep any earlier than 12am. Even my tossing and turning on the mattess takes up over an hour. Yes, the act of sleeping has become a challenge for me. Sighs. But before I join those little bed bugs, I thought I’d blog for a bit.

Lately..(well, it’s been a while really) one of my main agendas has been about getting married. Having finished my studies, I thought (other than getting job, of course) the next thing I should do is tie the knot. The problem is, I have no candidates. There was a boy who I thought I’d spend the rest of my life with (didn’t we all had that once?), but it didn’t work out (for many reasons that I am thankful for today). A particular story, I shall reserve for another time and day. Which then leaves me with no potential husbands-to-be.

So I keep whining about wanting to get married. I even pressure my parents into finding me a husband. Everytime somebody asks me where I’m going, I would jokingly say, “Mencari laki” (i.e. looking for a husband). Yes, I really do look desperate.  But deep down, I know I’m not ready. Allah knows I’m not ready. It isn’t easy to get over a 2-year relationship. Even after realising that the relationship was all wrong and never that great anyway. But I have faith in Allah, and I know that when the time comes, He will unite me with my other half. The other half that has been promised to me and us Muslims. I pray to Allah that He will find me a man who could protect me, guide me, and make me happy. A man who is deemed best for myself, my religion, my dunia and akhirat. Aminn..

Yes, life is that simple and almost worry free if we have faith in Allah :)

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