Our iman wears out the same way our clothes does (hadith), hence there’s a need for us to jump-start it now and again. One of the ways of renewing our faith is through muhasabah (self criticism). I think most of us are well aware of this, but sometimes we just don’t know how to begin. Well, we can always start by…
1. in the morning, ask ourselves, “What am I NOT going to do?”
2. at night, ask ourselves, “What did I do WRONG today?”
It saddens me to see those who I love not caring about what’s halal or haram…not trying to live their lives for the sake of Allah…unmoved by the words of Allah and the lessons behind them. Sometimes I wish I could do something, anything, just to make them realise how much we should always love, hope and fear Allah… or make them realise how the rememberence of Allah satisfies the souls of the children of Adam.
…your hearts hardened and became like rocks, or even harder: for behold, there are rocks from which streams gush forth; and, behold, there are some from which, when they are cleft, water issues; and, behold, there are some that fall down for awe of Allah, and Allah is not unmindful of what you do! (Al Baqarah: 74).
There is hope. There is hope for even those whose hearts have hardened to the the words of Allah, and the beauty of Islam. Let us all give dua to all our muslim brothers and sisters so that Allah would give them His hidayah. We should also play an active part, no matter how small, in helping the rest of our brothers and sisters in reviving Islam in their lives. insya Allah
You know how it is with us ladies? The “off-time” whereby we can’t pray, or touch/read the Quran and all that? I don’t know about other people, but that’s when I become anxious and hope that the “off-time” would be as brief as possible. Mine usually takes up 1 week, and 1 week is just waaaaaaayy toooo loooongggg for me.
But there’s an upside to all of this “off time”, which is…once everything goes back to normal, the 1st prayer feels like the BEST prayer. I’d usually get all giddy with excitement like a girl on a first date…nervous and anxious to meet the boy. You know how it is when you’re just bursting to say something to your best friend, or just want somebody you trust to talk to…but you have to hold it in for a week. So once your best friend is finally there, it’s like an opportunity to finally let it out. Well, that’s how it is for me after each break. If only I had that much passion for each salat. I’ll get there one day, insya Allah :)
Praise to Allah for letting me breath another day. To let me live a bit longer, so that I’d have a little bit more time to do more righteous deeds and seek for His Mercy and Grace. Subahanallah. Alhamdulilah. Allahu Akhbar.
These past 2 days have been a bit….”challenging”….for me. Like I’ve mentioned before, I am fighting a constant battle with my own emotions. It’s just so easy to REACT to something without much thought into it. Somebody drives out from a junction without looking left and right; and it’s just so easy to get annoyed. Somebody says something really heartfelt and touching; it’s just so easy shed those precious tears. Somebody mentions a name that someone who used to mean so much to you; it’s just so easy to feel sad, angry or a whole whirlpool of emotions. If emotions stay INSIDE, maybe it’s a bit easier to handle. But when it makes you want to DO something…it gets a bit difficult. You just don’t know whether what you have done, are about to do, or are thinking about is right or wrong. When this rationality is too clouded with emotions, nothing can ever be clear *sighs*
So here I am. Containing. Containing. Containing. Trying to keep my thoughts and feelings in check through my prayers and a change in perspective. Trying not to go overboard with anything that I might decided to do, if any. Insya Allah.
“He who created death and life, that He may try which of you is best in deed…” - Al Mulk: 2
”Not a single mu’min is faced with anxiety, tiredness and sadness other than for Allah to abrogate his sins.” - Saying from the Prophet Rasulullahu alaihi wassalam.
“Whoever Allah chooses to become better, certainly Allah will try him.” - Al Hadith
This little miss is a bit tired tonight. Must’ve been the driving around, and the hospital PLUS clinic visits this morning. After 5 days of ‘Female Off Days’, going back to the whole fasting and at tarrawih rhythm might’ve also contribute to this tiredness. Hehe. But all is good and well, alhamdulilah :)
I’m on a race against time. I’m trying to do as many things as I can, read as many books as I can, fulfill as many cravings as I can before my leave. Will be leaving this beloved, little country very soon once again for further studies. I’ll miss my family the most *sniffles* For the past few years, I don’t feel as if I’ve spent enough time with them each year *sigh* The little sacrifices we have to make for the greater good, I suppose. I’m hoping that around this time next year, I would’ve already gained the appropriate skills and knowledge to heal this little country and its people, Insya Allah. Nawaitu lillahita’alla. I’m doing all this because of Allah. I have a bigger purpose in this life. I’m not here merely to accummulate wealth or to climb up the social ladder. I’m here to serve Allah. I’m here to do anything and everything for the sake of Allah. I’m here to make use of all the blessings He has bestowed on me, so that I can use and spend them onto the Right path. He has provided me with these capabilities, rizq and opportunites so that I could make use of it to heal my people - the ummah. I want to play some part in handling the ever increasing social problems, the narrowmindedness of the general population that’s becoming a hinderance to development, and the embarrassing practices of my people who claim themselves to be muslims. There’s so much work to be done here, and I want to prepare myself so that I could do something about it. Insya Allah.
I’m going to watch a little TV and go to sleep. Good night, beautiful people. Have a good weekend :)
Today is his day. It’s hard. I keep wanting to do something in hope that things would be better. That things could go back to the way they once were.
Ya Allah. Please help me get through today. Please don’t let me do anything that I would regret. Please give me patience and perseverance to get through this day. Amin..Amin…Ya Rabbla’almin…
She who's finally returning to the Right path after years of ignorance. She who was a born Muslim but took it for granted. She who would like to share her thoughts, experiences and findings into her journey back into embracing Islam...and also some of her other random musings :)
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